Maury Povich has followed the trail of Oprah Winfrey in offering presents to audience members. Each member of a future Maury show audience will get a free paternity test. … I was having trouble figuring out how to put on the new bow tie I had just purchased. “It unhooks just like a bra,” said the owner of Bob’s Men’s Store. “Yeah, but I’ve been married 22 years and I’m way out of practice,” I replied. Of course, during my college days, I was constantly complaining I wasn’t getting enough practice. … Commercials seem to be handing off the legacy of Billy Hayes to another spokesperson as a TV image of the departed pitchman plays as the new guy talks. Plans are to have clips of Billy as the ghost of Christmases past in which Scrooge fails to use the right cleaning agents and begins suffering from a selfish, unfilled life. … During my trip to my mom’s in Indiana, I get to see the wonderful world of TV I’m missing by not having DirectTV, including such highly educational channels as the "Best Bra Ever", "Brazilian Butt" and "Fact or Faked? Paranormal Files". I guess the company isn’t going to broadcast my nominee for a new reality series, World’s Greatest Prostate Exams. Another channel had the label, “Wesley Snipes Uses Total Gym.” I’d say “Wesley Snipes Should Have Used Jacoby & Meyers” would be more appealing.