NetSuite's Hardball Awards triggered some worry from a friend for being too gross. "That's no hairballs, not no hairy, … never mind," I said. "I guess hairballs are bad enough."  …  I left my heart in San Francisco, and also my glasses and my new jacket and almost my wallet. This is why I would not have been a good custodian for the ring of power. “Where I put it? Oh, I’m wearing it. That’s why I can’t see myself. Damn, where did it go? Oh, I left it on the bus. It would have been a quick end to the trilogy as Sauron picked up the ring after I dropped it. "Honey, do you know where I left the ring of power?" "Did you try the pants you were wearing last night?" ... The reason I know gasoline has gotten more expensive is the hotels are now offering it at mini-bars, along with $7 bottles of water. ... Airline travel has gotten so dicey that Las Vegas is now offering over/under bets for the departure and arrival of individual flights. You can place your wager while sitting on the tarmac. ... There's a couple of neighborhoods in India that are so pricy that all the sacred cows are Angus.  ... Charlie Sheen's character on "Two and a Half Men" will now be played by Ashton Kutcher. That would about the same effect as if "American Idol" had replaced judge Simon Cowell with, well, Ashton Kutcher.  ... With the lovable Cowell getting former colleague Paula Abdul as a judge on his "X-Factor" it turns out there was some thought to calling the show the "Beauty and the Beast". Cowell nixed it because he didn't want to be called a beauty. ... "There's a new show coming on in which a bunch of rich, out-of-shape white men try to be the last person standing. It's going to be mean and vicious." "A new 'Survivor?'", I asked. "No, the Kansas GOP presidential primary."