… Samuel L. Jackson, in line with his popularity as a narrator of children’s books, has been selected to narrate the “Samuel L Jackson Book of Children’s Stories and Rhymes.” He will be reading such favorites as “Good &!*@! Moon” and “You’re a @XX**MF Charlie Brown.” And in cooperation with the estate of Dr. Seuss, Jackson will be reading a children’s version of his strange movie “Snakes on a Plane.” “Snakes on a plane. Snakes on a plane. Oh how I hate snakes on the plane. I’ve poked them and choked them and completely provoked them. But I can’t rid of snakes on a plane.” Incidentally, one version solves the problem of snakes on a plane by feeding them all tribbles. The reptiles then are easily caught while they are sluggishly digesting the furry creatures. … During the scandal that forced Congressman Anthony Weiner to resign for texting inappropriate photos of himself to women, news has focused on a new phenomenon called auto-sexting in which people send their own photos to themselves. Parents are warning children that there’s a function that can grow hair on your palms. … In order to combat lagging sales of tickets, producers of the much-troubled “Spiderman” musical are renaming the show, “Stop the Web I Want to Get Off.” In a new movie version, the problem of how Spidey can live happily with his girl friend, Mary Jane, is solved when she voluntarily is bitten by a spider and develops the same powers. However, the story ends tragically when she devours him after mating. … A news story this week says 2.5 million English men are too fat to see their own, well, you know what Weiner did (I’m trying to avoid having this newsletter flagged by filters for naughty stuff). There’s been a reported upsurge in sales of small periscopes to handle the issue. … The following headline should have a sobering effect: “Japan scientist synthesizes meat from human feces.” I thought Taco Bell solved the technical issues a long time ago.