Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 24 seconds

A DEAD MOUSE

Pepsi has denied a man's claim he found parts of a dead mouse in his bottle of Mountain Dew. The company maintains the mouse would have been dissolved by the liquid. I guess there is some truth to the rumor that the original name proposed for the product was "Mouse Away". There was also a report that Roach Motels would now have fountain service of Mountain Dew and Pepsi guaranteeing that "Roaches check in but they don't check out."
... The makers of the "Dummies" series of books had considered publishing "Kardashians for Dummies" and "The Jersey Shore for Dummies", but they wisely concluded these would be redundant. In fact, I heard a young boy ask his father, "Daddy, why are the Kardashians famous?" The father shook his head sadly and replied, "Son, there are some things in life we just can't understand." Speaking of dummies, could an idiot addicted to oxyodone be called an oxymoron? If he kicked the habit, he would be oxyclean. ... It's been a good year for the Franklin Mint. With the death of Moamar Khadafy and Kim Jung II, it's been able to dramatically expand its "Dead Dictator" series of statues. They are anxiously hoping to add Syria to the line. ... Following the recent death of its ruler, there are great hopes that North Korea might change. Kim took over from his father as head of the country and was succeeded by his son. But you know how family businesses are--the next generations just want to party and spend the money. If fact, there are reports that the dead dictator's grandchildren, Brad and Buffy Kim Jung, spend all their time parties at Pacific Rim night spots.
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