… What do Nigerians do if somebody dies and leave them a lot of money? … My GPS is showing its age. It told me, “Turn left in 500 feet; no right in 300 feet; uh what was I saying? Where are we?” … Donald Trump has been protesting a plan by Scotland to erect wind turbines off the country’s eastern coast. Trump claims they will spoil the view at his golf course. Scotland believes it can abandon the turbines because Trump can supply enough air to power a couple of cities himself. It is believed if is combover were burned, it could heat a house of a year. The Donald is still angry that his ancestors, the McTrumps, were driven from Scotland after firing all the members of their clan.… While visiting New York City’s Frick Collection, I noted the pond. “Look goldfish,” I said. My wife replied, “I think those are koi. What’s the difference between goldfish and koi?” “If you call them koi, they are much more expensive. About the same thing as the difference between a vase and a vaz.” … I went to sign up for Pinterest and found out I needed to be invited and I was. I guess I passed the screening process. What an honor! … Apparently there’s a new Middle East mattress company called “Arab Springs”.