... Many of you are aware that Bin Laden’s last words have been released on the anniversary of his death. A new translation shows them to be "Damn, I just paid next month’s rent." … After failing to attract a mass following, the Occupy movement has turned to a new slogan “Occupy Yourself” for those dull times on the picket lines. … Arizona has proposed a new law to eliminate May 5 from the calendar since it does not want to recognize “Cinco de Mayo”. The calendar will now go from May 4 to May 6 with May 32 added at the end of the month to keep the year in sync. The law also initially proposed eliminating May Day, May 1, because of its socialist connections, but having May 33 was just too much for legislators. … Life is tough. It’s an Obama-eat-dog world. Apparently  President Obama’s childhood experiences with eating dog meat made experiences with canines difficult. He thought “Lassie” was a cooking show. When he trained his dogs, he would tell them “Sit. Beg. Play dead. Broil.” And when his daughters asked for a puppy, he asked them what flavor they wanted. … We’ll know that Geico is readying a new ad campaign when the company starts selling its “Gekko Cookbook.” … Few are aware that the Spanish Inquisition made an unsuccessful attempt to eliminate heresy among the inhabitants of  The Shire. The Inquisition applied its usual tools, but as we all know, old hobbits are hard to break.