“Look out, he’s got a ping pong paddle." “Look, nobody has to get hurt, son. Just put that paddle down and we can talk.” But sadly the man ignores the plea and beats himself to death with the paddle. In Arizona, police will now not only questions people they stop about citizenship, but demand to see their balls. It’s a good thing for VP Dick Cheney wasn’t carrying a paddle instead of a shotgun during that hunting accident. … Tolkien’s world has generally been a guy thing. And in “The Hobbit”, it’s not hard to understand why. Women aren’t impressed with stories about trolls. They have too much experience with them. ….Did an EKG last week. Kind of disturbing and cool to watch images of arteries and my heart on screen. Is it a bad sign when the technician mutters "Oh, my God, no."? … Scary Move 5 appears to be a tribute to dysfunctional personalities. Among its stars, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and Mike Tyson. The scariest thing about Scary Movie 5 is that there is a Scary Movie 5. … A friend of mine phoned to complain that the male enhancement product he found in my house didn’t work. “Male enhancement product?” I queried. “Yeah, it was called Prolong” “That’s for Christmas trees."