Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (1098)

RANDOM THOUGHTS; CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK

Christmas in New York is always different. After eating cheap falafel with my family in the East Village we saw a Santa in a store shopping for a new bong. The corn cob pipe apparently is passé. Further on a guy in a Spiderman costume was pulling two young female tourists in a pedicab and popping wheelies while they screamed.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: THE 2010 CENSUS

The 2010 census will include a new question: “Did you have an affair with Tiger Woods?” A heavy response is expected. Meanwhile, Tiger is coming out with a new set of golf clubs that can function as a jaws of life for freeing your spouse from a damaged car. They can also be launched from catapults for maximum range.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: THANKSGIVING

Thanksgiving reminded me again that it's the little things I am most thankful for; the family, good food, the two cops who didn't arrest my daughter for underage drinking when they had a chance. Of course, it was only last year she asked me, “Dad, have you ever been arrested?” I replied, “No, but I’d put that in the category of minor miracle.” ...

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MURMURINGS FROM THE INFORMATION AGE

Verizon logoThe response from an automated attendant for Verizon, while trying to solve a problem with an account logon. "You said: I can't log on to the Verizon residential account Ask Verizon: Please Sign In to your Verizon account on the page I have opened for you."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: THERE'S ONLY ONE

There's only one fair solution to Newsweek's using a picture of vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin in a running suit on its cover. Force the magazine to run a picture of Democratic vice president Joe Biden in a running suit.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: THE GREEN SPOTS

The green spots on a recently purchased package of bacon sent me to the Internet to read about the advisability of eating moldy bacon.

 

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KEN BURNS

Filmmaker Ken Burns is following up his TV series about America's National Parks with a 10-parter called "America's Historic Toxic Dump Sites." The first six episodes take place in New Jersey. .... Speaking of New Jersey, after dumping Gov. Jon Corzine, the state will get back to what it does best, indict officials. The betting line is forming now for the number of  indictments for 2010. The over-under is 50 elected officials.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: DURING THE VISIT

During the visit to the Smithsonian while at the CCH conference, I spent a lot of time at the recreated Julia Childs’ kitchen and at the exhibit on the atomic bomb and radiation. I wanted to combine in an exhibit of Mutant French Cooking that features bizarre foods that no reasonable person would eat. I’m sorry, that is French cooking.

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WHY I LOVE NEW YORK

Woman: “Is this the line to get bus tickets to Willowbrook Mall?” Me: “Yes it is. Take New Jersey Transit.” Woman: “Are you waiting for a 2:30 bus.” “No, I don’t know the schedule.” Woman to woman in front of me: “Are you waiting for a 2:30 bus? Somebody told me to go up stairs. I’ve already missed two buses. “

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: WHEN ON SUNDAY

When on Sunday the emcee at the AccountMate Synergy conference said there would be an outside speaker the next day, I thought “I wonder who it is” When they said it was me I thought “Damn, I was hoping it was someone good”

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