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Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (1098)

RANDOM THOUGHTS; THE KING'S SPEECH

Friday, 25 February 2011
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The King’s Speech is being used as a basis for curing speaking disorders by the new “George W. Bush-Joe Biden School of Public Speaking.” The King’s Speech is being used as a basis for curing speaking disorders by the new “George W. Bush-Joe Biden School of Public Speaking.” Byden's condition - advanced foot-in-mouthitis - is sadly considered incurable

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: PARIS HILTON

Friday, 18 February 2011
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Paris Hilton just celebrated her 30th birthday and we are all anxiously awaiting home movies of the event. Well, not necessarily of the birthday party.   .... In the sequel to Walt Disney’s movie, “Aladdin,” Aladdin leads a revolt to overthrow the monarchy and the parrot is deep fried. Read more...

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: CHARLIE SHEEN

Friday, 04 February 2011
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Charlie Sheen made a lot of news after checking into rehab after cavorting with five adult film stars and a brief case full of white powder.  But his gift card is still good for IHOP (International House of Prostitution). And he's just being frugal, taking a lesson from the squirrels; He’d been storing his nuts for the winter.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS; LOCAL CANNIBALS

Friday, 28 January 2011
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ocal cannibals are advertising again for leadership. They've placed a notice that they are looking for ”well-seasoned executives”.... My doctor's office waiting room has a sign telling people not to take the magazines. That's why there are so many old magazines in these places. Patients are conscientious in obeying the rules. ... My cold eased but I got bronchitis so I'm taking Prednisone (four pills a day the first three days), an antibiotic and a decongestant. That's in addition to the daily blood pressure pills, statin and thyroid medication. I told my wife "I'm a pill-popping fool." She replied, "I've always thought that. Well, part of it anyway." Read more...
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RANDOM THOUGHTS: THE ANNUAL ANOREXIA AWARENESS

Friday, 21 January 2011
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The Annual Anorexia Awareness dinner dance is coming up in Northern New Jersey this month. There will be a light, very light, meal, and the floor won’t be very crowded, no matter how many people are on it..  There was a plan to have a joint event with the bulimics The sponsors figured they’d only need half the food but called it off when it was realized they’d need twice the number of bathrooms. The picnic outing with the agoraphobics has been postponed indefinitely ... The FBI has arrested 127 mobsters in the Northeast. As a result, garbage collection in New York and New Jersey has been suspended until further notice Read more...

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: DUTCH TAXING

Friday, 14 January 2011
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Dutch tax authorities are promising to collect revenue from the ladies of Amsterdam's red light district. It's called the flat-on-your back tax.  Maybe the rest of the Europe Union can look to this revenue stream to shore up the euro.  Actually, one of the real problems for taxing authorities about this business is calculating depreciation. I walked passed some of the low-rent booths in the district in June and some of the ladies are very depreciated. ... Read more...
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RANDOM THOUGHTS: SCOTT'S RULES

Friday, 07 January 2011
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Scott’s Rules of Computer Repair: 1. No matter how many different ways you turn a twisted wire, it cannot be untwisted. 2. The cable that you unplug is not the one that you meant to unplug. 3. When you reinsert the cable that you just unplugged, it’s the wrong one. 4. You cannot possibly find the cable that you wanted to unplug. 5. If tech support techs you to follow a series of steps, and provides a nice online graphic, one of the steps will not show up on your computer. There will be fewer folders and files displayed than support claims exist. 6. When tech support says that if it doesn't hear from you in seven days, the company will assume your problem has been fixed, it means the problem hasn't been fixed. Read more...
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RANDOM THOUGHTS; POLITICAL PARTIES

Wednesday, 29 December 2010
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Political parties and their philosophies are clearly outlined in their attitudes towards Christmas. Democrats wanted to give Santa bailout money and supported the right to unionize by the UBOE (United Brotherhood of Elves.)  They also urged Santa to stop using toys made by poorly paid far-Eastern child labor. Republicans condemned the old man as an example of Socialism and called an investigation of the source of Santa’s funds. Read more...
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RANDOM THOUGHTS; PBS

Thursday, 16 December 2010
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PBS is following up its ageless Six Wives of Henry the XIII, with a more contemporary “The Eight Wives of Larry King.” Both series demonstrate that marrying a king can be risky business. ... I got one of those typical notices from my insurance company, "This is not a bill." I sent back a letter saying, "This is not a payment." Speaking of healthcare, I'm not in favor of letting bureaucrats decide healthcare issues. I think we should leave that in the hands of the insurance companies where it belongs. Read more...
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RANDOM THOUGHTS: HOW MANY DEAD DEER

Friday, 10 December 2010
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“How many dead deer did you see on your trip to Indiana?” a friend asked. “Not nearly enough,” I replied. Actually, if someone could develop a carnivorous breed of deer whose diet was Canada geese we’d be a lot more tolerant of the hoofed creatures. ... Through the new airport screening system many law-abiding Americans have come to become acquainted with the phrase “Assume the position.” … Read more...

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